Our Collective Death Spiral

Our grizzled political commentator, Boba Cash, returns to take Toronto's Mayor McCheese to task on his social responsibilities.


"You all remember, I suppose, that beautiful and inspired saying of Our Ford's: History is bunk."



Remember back in the fall of 2010 when we all sat around laughing at the idea of Rob Ford being elected?  The  hilarious red-facedbloated bully from our childhoods.  Not electable at all, right?  The guy who blames victims, i.e He got run over because he was on a bicycle. Yup.

The good people of the amalgamated Toronto elected the blowhard.  He represents the kneejerk product of low-thinking.  But that is the world in which we now live, complete with renewed McCarthy-esque witchunt on "pinkos."  Yeah he brought in our crazy uncle too.

Alright so one man was elected to preside over millions (between 2.8 and 5.5 depending on your measurement) of people, in a city with four China towns, international landmarks, theeconomic centre of Canada.  So far he has bungled transit, rips up and destroys bicycle lanes, played screwy with his campaign finances and has been generally shitty. He promised to find and stop excessive spending, he then can’t get anyone else to see his imaginary world. 

Now Toronto lives high on the hog: it is as cheap as $55.00 to rent a hockey arena.  But when there is money to be saved, and money to be made, such as at Toronto's Gay Pride Parade Rob Ford is making the same excuse for the second year in a row that he cannot attend.  On the face of it, how much revenue Pride generates, and I can attest brings in thousands of tourist dollars, is really irrelevant.  The reason Mayor Ford needs to be there is because he is everyone’s mayor.  It is the decent thing to do.

You see, humanity is one of many, very sexual creatures.  Life is too short to quibble what fun orifices or fun appendages your partner has.  As a result, Toronto has the second largest Pride Parade in the world, and, it is fabulous. Robbie boy and Dougie don’t think so. 

Literally nothing, and I MEAN NOTHING interrupts Ford, not national interviews, or parades.  For the second year, he is going to his cottage.  Other mayors did not want to participate until their children pointed out, that they represent all the people of Toronto.  Whether or not he is a homophobe is irrelevant.

Rob Ford has drawn a line in the sand…or more of a baffling squiggle.  FUCK ‘EM…his cottage is more important, than representing a significant portion of the population.

The man should have been viewed as unelectable from the moment his name appeared.  Maybe he is just a scumbag who managed to hoodwink the entire population.  Though that might be giving him too much credit.

Tragically our society has begun its death spiral, sucking in those last delicious endorphins squeezed g-forces against our brains as we rocket towards the earth.  Why pull up, the pressure feels good…

How about this for a mayoral slogan: “blowjobs, not blowhards!”  One is a lot more fun than the other.  ‘Cause really isn’t that what life comes down to?  There are those that are getting some, and the ones who yell the most, aren’t.  We like getting some, but we know we have to take a shot in the mouth from time to time to make the world a better place, and easier to live in too.  Eventually we can come to love it.  By paying more in taxes, it can go to healthcare and can make life easier, less worrisome if properly managed.

Get out and protest, vote and tear down the fucking walls of oppression that inch closer and take away our freedoms every day.  Shit. Clearly this mayor doesn’t give a fuck about you, your parade, or your damn streetcars. 

***For earlier public floggings by Boba Cash, see the Vic Toews Incident and Feel the Buzz!