The Truth About Vaccines: Get Stabbed!

Shock and AHH!!'s resident misanthrope, Mr. Boba Cash, returns to dispel some widespread myths about vaccinations and links to autism:

Vaccines are safe, vaccines are fine. Go get one and help clean up this cesspool known as humanity.

As our society drunkenly careens past the half-way mark of a shockingly terrible flu season, nurses, pharmacists, and physicians are luring people into brightly lit rooms full of medical literature and offering them a chance to improve their health. Shockingly, front line health providers are some of the worst offenders in not getting the shot.

I am getting ahead of myself.

Vaccines work like this: You are injected with an extremely weak version of the disease (polio, measles, mumps, etc.) SO weak is the disease, your body learns how to destroy it. Once learned your body can now defend against it in case you come into a healthy dose of the disease.

In a nutshell, vaccines are epically safe and effective. There isn’t really much to say on it. But you can just look at the science on it if you are interested in the gory details. Without a vaccine, instead of shooting a werewolf with a silver bullet, you are loading the gun and drunkenly waving it at your family friends and licking the barrel to see what it tastes like. With a vaccine, you have it loaded with homing silver bullets.

"But Boba Cash," you unwashed disgusting masses cry out, "aren't there is mouse brains in the vaccines?" YUP. Fun fact, mice and humans share 99% of the same DNA. Aka it is an important ingredient that allows us to essentially take the weakened disease and make it dead. There are a whole lot of fun things in there that make it effective. There is more mercury in a can of tuna than in a vaccine. How many tuna melts have you had this year? Sushi?

There's more crazy in this photo than a table at the Golden Globes with Mel Gibson, Nick Nolte and Gary Busey.

Mouth-breathing garbage eaters like Jenna McCarthy (her son was misdiagnosed – not autism but Landau–Kleffnersyndrome) posit that vaccines cause autism. Shockingly 24% of parents placed trust in a woman’s medical advice on vaccines whose specialty is porn (which I understand she does very well), but not medicine or research. She isn’t an academically published author.

The New England Journal of Medicine: FULL ARTICLE.

In a nutshell, Jenny jumped on the MMR Vaccine Controversy a debunked, discredited study which broke every ethics code, and manipulated facts and figures in alleging that vaccines cause autism. The author of the report, a despicable human named Andrew Wakefield, was found guilty of so much scientific hokum, motivated by a chance to make millions in profit from the vaccine scare, that he was stripped of his abilities to practice medicine in the UK.

This wave of Jenny MCarthyism and its proponents has drummed up false science, and picked a disease that we don’t know much about and glued them together like a pigeon rat...

Vaccines don’t cause autism. As a medical community, we've figured out better scales for identifying disorders such as Autism. Ask your parents or grandparents and they all can speak to someone they grew up with who was quiet or weird, and just went off to live on the farm. Hell, To kill a Mocking Bird, one could argue Big Jim was autistic.

"I know neither of us like needles, Jim, another reason we have to win this."

Don’t be an idiot. If you have the chance, get a vaccine. It may save your life, your neighbour's, Aunts’ and Uncles’, grandparents’, or children’s lives as well.

Remember, the people who are screaming that “vaccines are bad”, all got their vaccines and got to have a healthy life. As a species we owe it to each other to crush the resurgence of mumps and measles and polio.

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