This Week In Tales of Terror!


Men in Dresses Secretly Meet to Vote for Next Leader of Sacrificial-Cult.

A series of clandestine meetings are underway as the high-ranking officials of a cult built on human sacrifice seek a new leader. Little is known about this organization beyond allegations of a vast hidden fortunes and a membership made up of child-molesters and sympathizers.

It's rumored that the organization is possibly hundreds of years old and includes strange rituals involving cannibalism, or "Eucharist" and the worship of a Hebrew zombie.

Florida Sink Hole - Man Eaten By Death Bed, the Bed that Eats People

After a long day at work alongside his brother, a Florida man returned home only to be swallowed by a Sarlacc Pit in his own bedroom. Which goes to show you, kids, there are no monsters under your bed, just a bottomless tunnel to hell:

Although his brother tried valiantly to free the trapped man, police and fire rescue workers said that a recovery of the body is unlikely. The house has being demolished in order to assess the size and depth of the widening pit while nearby, a second sinkhole has attempted to swallow a fence. As if there wasn't enough to worry about with property taxes and threats of foreclosure in a lingering economic crisis, now houses in the Southern United States are simply being sucked down into Hades.

Dennis Rodman Hangs out in North Korea, Concentration Camps "No Biggie."

If there's one thing any of us learned from Space Jam it's that basketball players are the only effective mediators between reality and Looney Tunes Land. However, they're usually more successful if the player in question is not bat-shit crazy himself.

All languages on earth are humbled into silence, having no single or

combination of words to describe the insanity contained in this photograph.

If one needs any reminder of the breathtaking spectacle that is Dennis Rodman, it would be his assessment of North Korean concentration camps and pubic executions as "just a political issue." If success can be measured as the difference between two countries in a state of war as opposed to a state of peace, well then Rodman failed spectacularly.

Kim Jung Un threatened to end the 60 year cease-fire between North and South Korea. If Rodman gets points for anything, he did get China off the bench and into the game in support of tougher U.S. sanctions. His next stop, Palestine, after checking in on the India-Pakistan boarder. Daaaa Bulls.

Death from Above, Unknown Drone Attackers

Reports are coming out regarding drone strikes against al-Qaeda targets along the Pakistan boarder however both the United States military and the Pakistani government deny involvement.

Both have accused the other of shifting responsibility for strikes in the region, a strange state of affairs since the use of drones has been widely known and generally disclosed by both nations.

If it's not the CIA or the Pakistani Army delivering radio-controlled death from above, than it leaves only one logical explanation for the attacks: Decepticons...

That's all for this week in Terror, keep watching the skis...unless you're doing the downhill, in which case look out for the trees or else you'll end up like Sonny Bono.

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