Top Ten Lamest X-mas Gifts of 2014
Let's face it, the holidays suck for adults. As children we only had a couple chores to every December; Write to Santa Claus and be as good as possible for about four weeks. That was it! As adults, the responsibilities and stresses of Christmas have been handed down from our parents.
Now it's up to us to make the holiday season full of joy or sheer misery. To help in your shopping adventures this year, we have for you the top 10 Lamest Christmas Gifts of 2014. Shop at your own risk, but if your kids have been little bastards this year, by all means, shop away!
1. 3D Brachiosaurus Puzzle: Batteries and fun not included.
2. WiiFit: If you loathe sunshine and fresh air and want to stay by the fridge, why not partake in this exercise game from Nintendo. Kick and stretch like an idiot at your TV before you break out Call of Duty after 5 minutes.
3. Clothing: For the fashion savvy person in your life who wants to be unique and make a statement while wearing the same as everyone else making a statement. Also a good choice if your significant others underwear resembles Swiss cheese....or smells like it.
4. The Re-Gift: You probably got this from the office party. It usually smells of vanilla. It's the gift that says “I had the time and money to get you something you actually wanted, but fuck it! This line is too long and Game of Thrones is on in 10 minutes!” You will also re-gift this to a relative who stops by unexpectedly for the sole purpose of receiving a gift. The rest of the year you don't talk.
5. The Chia Pet: You thought they were fucking gone, this gift has been around since the first Christmas. Joseph gave it to Mary, who re-gifted it to her sister, who in turn re-gifted it to Steve the shepherd.
6. Singing a Song: Unless you're Harry Connick Jr, this is probably the douche-baggiest gesture one can pass off as a Christmas gift. If you want to share another Christmas together, stop by Tiffany & Co. Your balls will thank you.
7. Toothpaste: We don't want to hurt your feelings Tom, but we all put our money together and got you this really nice toothbrush gift set because your breath has been killing all the plants in the office as well as making us sick every time we share the elevator. Again, sorry if we've offended you, but this is Canada and we bathe and keep up on our hygiene.
8. McMillan & Wife The Complete Series on DVD: Nuff said.
9. Home-Made Gifts: Because after a year on Pintrest you think you're an expert.
10. One Direction “This is Us on DVD: Make your season merry and gay!
Whatever wondrous gifts you find for your loved ones and frenenmies, it's best to follow the Golden Rule of quantity over quality. Do your best this year not to get too caught up in the love and instead, remember the importance of getting stuff, because isn't that what the holidays are truly about?