The War of the Sexes: I Surrender


Gentlemen, let's talk about Pinterest. And certain sections of Reddit. And the thousands of foodie/makeup/wine/travel/running/yoga blogs that plague the internet thanks to millions of twenty-something ladies who think that pseudo-spirituality mixed with junk-science and topped with saccharin entertainment are, "like TOTES amazeballs."

Let's talk about how these are good things. Please be seated.

You see, I've finally managed to figure out the two differences between the sexes on self-identified gender-specific online content. Girls love the previously listed things the same way that I love guns and jets and astronauts who punch dinosaurs in the dick. They love them...just because. And there's no reason that loving things irrationally is a bad thing provided that you don't try and pretend that they are rational.

The second reason men and women love different things is simply because it annoys the "other side." Conflict is the root of all things interesting. What's more fun than good-natured teasing a person's weird hobbies, followed by punishing one another with your genitals? But I digress...

Suzy loves blathering on about cupcakes and Urban Outfitters sales racks for completely ridiculous reasons. But, they're just cupcakes and cheap if not immorally produced clothing. Compared to Todd and his Youtube proclamation that "liberalism is infecting the middle class of America and ruining masculinity for everyone" and you can see the difference. They're both shallow, but one is annoying and the other is so arrogant it pisses you off.

And the girls' stuff is bromide, inoffensive, milquetoast, but dammit it's honest. And compared with the grand essays presented on men's sites, it's also digestible. If a cutesy, abbreviation-laden recipe for kale smoothies ("obvy!") makes me roll my eyes as my respect for women slightly dwindles, an essay about how an internationally renowned internet-man has "found two [two, not just one, TWO] flaws in game theory" makes me want to symbolically sack myself while injecting estrogen directly into my spinal cord.

When women get militant online, they complain about equality and "how men are PEEEYUGS!" (not a typo, say it aloud). But when men are just being normal we're fucking Blitzkrieging message boards about how amazing we are and how women are taking "everything." That's when we pick topics to argue that are waaay above our station because we're really smrt.

Maybe it's testosterone? Maybe it's the drive to kill and win? (Because if you're not killing and winning you're dying a losing). Who knows. But hey, women just cry a bit and tell Karen "what a beautiful spirit" she is. And that sounds pretty good.

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